That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
