Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
