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I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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