Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
