Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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