I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
