just come out here and I will go home with you...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
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