we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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