I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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