The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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