Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
