OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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