The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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