just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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