I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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