You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
