I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize