Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
