i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
