Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
