i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
