Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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