she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
