I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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