So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
