I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
