I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
