Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
