his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
