Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
