I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
