you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
