and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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