Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
