things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
