Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
