i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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