I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
