Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize