All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Randomize