she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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