doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
