It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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