Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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