he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
