Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
