Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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