We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
