im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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