Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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