Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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