i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
