i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
