This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
There's even glitter on my cock...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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