I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
