Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
