I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
