Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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