I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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