my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
