Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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