shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I cannot find my penis.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
