you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
