you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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