Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
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