Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
