I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Randomize
