why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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