i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
