Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
