I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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